The First Post is always some sort of grand monotribe describing the blog's purpose and the author's motivations, followed by some sort of witty reference on some aspect of pop culture. So:

I don't want my thoughts so public anymore. Googling ny name (like, say, a potential employer might do) led you straight to the blog, and I'm pretty sure I made fun of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays at some point in there. Naimoli would get all into a hissyfit, and booyeah, I'd suffer the same fate as the Japanese reporter banned from the stadium for using the bathroom in Vince's suite. (It's an amazing organization.)

So now I can make fun of the Devil Rays and anything else, and you, dear reader (4 of you!) can enjoy the oh-so-mighty zingers and self-deprecation that Mike Wyzowski will appear alongside. "Using mostly spoons..."